Joe and I were together for nearly a year and a half before we had a separation. He had cold feet. He insisted he was to go to California and become a monk. It was traumatizing to me. It was a cold exchange of words from an otherwise warm man. My bipolar disorder/borderline was in full swing when he dropped me off to my apartment to say goodbye. I was alone, in a city, with nothing. I was frightened. I had no job, no money and had never been on my own before. I hated him.