That seems to be a topic that’s never discussed in-depth. For some people, depression causes some to take their own life by means of suicide. Why do people with mental health illnesses take their own lives? To them, they reached the conclusion that suicide was the solution to end all the mental and emotional pain they’ve been suffering for any period of time (whether weeks, months, or years). Suicide is not cowardly, but rather, a desperate act that was reached with a clouded thought process. If you know someone who is discussing suicide, take it seriously and immediately get them some help!
I’m Sami and I’m going to be here to talk about the more geeky side of mental health. I’m a medical neuroscience undergraduate and was inspired to take on this degree from my own experiences with mental illness. I’m very late to the university-game at the grand old age of 26, but I’m of the opinion it’s better late than never!
Joe and I were together for nearly a year and a half before we had a separation. He had cold feet. He insisted he was to go to California and become a monk. It was traumatizing to me. It was a cold exchange of words from an otherwise warm man. My bipolar disorder/borderline was in full swing when he dropped me off to my apartment to say goodbye. I was alone, in a city, with nothing. I was frightened. I had no job, no money and had never been on my own before. I hated him.
My husband and I always wanted a big family, so three years ago when we found out we were expecting baby number seven, we were ecstatic. As the months went on, things began to change and I wasn’t as excited about the pregnancy as I had been before. I was homeschooling our other children and life began to feel like one big obstacle to overcome. Four months later I found myself in our local Emergency Room beginning to speak to a social worker because I was feeling suicidal.
We live in a really small town in northern Michigan so grocery shopping is truly a full day event. The nearest supermarket is 30 minutes away, so we only shop every 1 ½ weeks or so. So yesterday, we decided to have lunch with the kids before we went on our long and tedious shopping trip. We chose a China Buffet, which is one of our favorites. It was pretty busy for a Friday afternoon but we went in anyway. I took Gabriel up and we filled our plates. He always chooses the foods that I am visually unsure of…rebel.
I have always had my doubts. Is something really wrong with me? Maybe I am just a bitch? Maybe I over exaggerate? Maybe I am just lazy? Maybe I am just hyper? Most people with mental illness feel this way at one point in their lives. This type of denial is the dangerous and potentially deadly kind. A few months ago, I began binging and purging in a halfhearted attempt to lose weight. In hindsight I realize I was going through a pretty traumatic manic phase. My doctor (not a psychiatrist) was slowly upping my Lamictal by 25mg a month and I was only at 100mg. I was barely medicated.
The birth of my second child was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. My husband and I tried so hard to conceive her and I spent a lot of time trying to boost my fertility. We wanted to have a girl, but Joe’s side of the family had 5 generations of only boys. It was very unlikely. While we tried to conceive using ovulation tracking I also tried to gender sway. Apparently if you have sex at the end of ovulation you are more likely to conceive a boy, so we stayed away from that time. Finally…after a year of trying…SUCCESS! I was pregnant.
The looks you get from people when you tell them you don’t drive are actually hilarious. They are baffled. It is like saying you don’t have a cell phone…okay I am double damned because I don’t have a cell phone either. They always say the same thing “How do you live?” And my answer is always the same “You have to be willing to sacrifice”. It was never a lack of wanting. When I was 16 is was in driver’s training like everyone else. I was a decent driver with normal anxieties about mowing down a group of nuns on accident.
In the wake of yet another mass school shooting in America, the country mourns. We are angry. Why is this happening in our country? What is going on? And yet, as I flip on my television…what do I see? It’s certainly not anything about gun control or raising children properly, but alas, mental illness. No one is disputing that our mental health system is a wreck. I know from firsthand experience that it is a travesty by any other word. I must admit however, that the media’s portrayal of these shooters is uncomfortable and offensive.
They really rule shit. Seriously. You can’t deny it. Your life circles around their needs. They are hungry? You feed them.They need new shoes? You buy them. They want you to fight a deranged game to the death? Well..you see what I am saying.And again. Kids resemble The Capitol in so many ways. The dress funny, they make no sense and you can’t take them seriously.
And yet. They really do rule your life.